Wednesday, December 19, 2007


Hubby and I definitely feel differently about moving. It is starting to get to the point where we need to start making plans for the move, and he does not even want to talk about it. I am really trying to understand his point of view and be compassionate, but it is difficult.

I am anxioius and excited to leave. To me it feels like I will get a life back. I will hopefully be able to join and participate in a church. I have friends and my support system is in that area. The culture out there is very different from here, and I just feel more comfortable out there.

Hubby, on the other hand, is leaving a sort of good job. (There were things which were starting to annoy him.) He is sort of established in the area. He has family out here, and he has worked hard at his job and felt like he accomplished something. He has not found a job in or around Roanoke, our house has not sold, and I think he is feeling a little threatened by the whole situation. Then there is the infertility aspect. It really hit him hard when we realized that there was male factor involved.

Being a nurse, my inclination is to fix things. I have done everything I can, but there is no fix for this situation. I have pushed back my start date a few weeks. I have found us a place to live in Roanoke, and I am using my savings to pay the rent on the place. That should give us some breathing room. I cannot fix his situation. Every time he talks about it, it all sounds so hopeless, it sounds like we will be stuck here forever. I cannot deal with thiat. I do not have a lot to look forward to. Leaving the area is one thing I have which is making me happy.

For me, right now, the most important thing is to leave Tappahannock. I really tried to make it work in this area, but I could not. I think I am going to have to wait on any more infertility treatments until after we move. I think the infertility stuff would be one more stressor for hubby on top of everything else. Financially it will make the move easier, as well. I think when we come back to it, we will probably go straight for the IVF. With Hubby's poor morphology, ISCI seems to be the way to go. My RE tried to put it in perspective for me. We have had about nine years of not preventing or actively trying, with no success. With that sort of track record, there is more than one problem. IVF with ICSI is probably our best shot.

So...the plan is get moved, and try IVF in spring. It has waited this long, another month or two will probably not hurt anything. The break will also give up time to get our heads around the idea of IVF. I think it is more diffucult for me than for him.

I think it is awesome that people want to follow my journey. Anyone is welcome to join me. I am currently in a 2 week wait after IUI. Expecting my period around the 23rd or 24th. (Yeah, I know, probably will not be a very merry Christmas.) Hubby's SA this cycle was 0% normal forms, so I am expecting my period to show up as scheduled. Sigh. Yet another disappointment.


Trace said...

I'm in the 2ww also. I've been mulling everything over and I think I'm going to test on Sunday because I have a family holiday gathering w/one pregnant relative and one w/a 2 year old. If + I can be happy, if - I can drink a lot of wine.

FYI, we're using a donor and even the "super sperm" isn't perfect. THe first vial had high numbers, and perfect morphology, but low motility. The second vial had higher motility, perfect morphology, and good numbers. The third vial had high motility, but lower numbers and the same perfect morphology. Hmmm...

VA Blondie said...

I wish you all the best. I hope you have a +, and a merry Christmas.

I am not planning on testing because I know my period will show up. 0% normal forms does not leave a whole lot of hope.

I think my 2ww is almost over. (see next post.) It is important to Hubby that he has his own child. I can understand that, and that is why we will do IVF when we return to infertility treatment.