I have really been feeling the infertility thing lately. After the baby at meeting on Sunday, I went to a baseball game with friends. Our friends brought along their 11 month old. Of course, they spent a little time talking about how much he is walking and what his first words were. Yet another reminder that I am not part of the mommy club.
It did not help that I have a hard time relating to them right now anyway. I do not have a lot in common with this couple. Hubby has more in common with them than I do. Hubby met the wife through his last job. Hubby and the wife are both lawyers. The husband is planning on going to law school and is currently working as a paralegal. It is worlds away from what I do, and who I am. I am not a mommy and I am not a lawyer. I work in the OR as an RN. I enjoy what I do, but I understand that not everyone wants to hear about the details from the surgery I circulated yesterday.
The wife is really nice, and I think really wants to make friends with me, but I was not in the mood to be very accommodating. I smiled, I was polite, and I enjoyed the game. Hubby and the wife talked shop. I think she had a good time, but I was really going because Hubby wanted to go. It was a beautiful day for a game, and we had seats right behind home plate. It was very nice to sit outside and enjoy the weather.
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Mel's Show and Tell
Blogs and Sites I Like
- Baby, Borneo, Or Bust
- The Therapist in In
- Cupcakes and Conundrums
- The Happy Hours
- I think I Hear Your Mother Calling
- Life in the White House
- A journey Through Infertility
- Coming 2Terms
- Stirrup Queen's Blogroll
- Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters
- Life, Love, and the Pursuit of Normalcy
- Contemplative Outreach (Centering Prayer)
- Flylady.net
My Infertility Journey
- 1998 - Stopped taking birth control pills
- January 2000 - diagnosed with PCOS
- March 2007 - Finally started seeing a RE
- July 2007 - IUI #1. Semen with 1-2% normal forms. Unsuccessful.
- September 2007 - IUI #2. Semen with 1% normal forms. Unsuccessful.
- December 2007 - IUI #3. Semen with 0% normal forms. Unsuccessful. IVF Consult.
- January 2008 - Waiting while moving to Roanoke
- February 2008 - Finally moved to Roanoke, waiting while deciding what to to about IF stuff
About Me
- VA Blondie
- I am professional student turned nurse. I have two bachelor's degrees and two Master's degrees. I may be too educated for my own good. Hubby and I were going through infertility treatment. As part of that treatment, we are both dieting and trying to lose weight. We have both male and female factor infertility. We discovered the male factor during the past year. Currently we are in a holding pattern as Hubby figures out how to deal with IF. (And we deal with the whole money issue.)
21 comments:
It is very difficult for me to be with new people, especially when they have a baby.
I'm sorry it was difficult for you. (hugs)
I would listen to stories from surgery. :) I never like being the only one who isn't into the work conversations. I get that a lot.
I love surgery stories!! I'm out of the loop a lot when my husband talks work with his friends. Ihad to make a rule about it otherwise I just sit there. Here from NCLM.
Don't beat yourself up over it. There are times when it's harder than others and you can't expect to be "on" all of the time. I'm glad that you enjoyed the weather and being able to sit outside.
I also would have gladly listened to your surgery story. :)
I'd be FASCINATED to hear about your days in the OR! I can't imagine anyone wouldn't want to.
I have that same problem with some of "our" friends. It comes up a lot for me with DH's friends, because they ALL have kids, and I don't have much in common with any of them. DH is always disappointed when I try to beg out of stuff, which makes me feel guilty, but it's sooo hard to try to have fun with people you don't have anything in common with, and hanging out with their kids just makes it that much harder. I haven't found a solution yet--let me know if you do!
Hi there. My husband always complains that when I get into a room with another lawyer that we only talk shop to the exclusion of everybody. It's a habit that's hard to break.
Found you through NCLM...I think I'd take surgery stories over lawyer stories any day!
I remember feeling like that myself when we were trying. It was so hard for me to be with other couples with children. Especially if I didn't know them well.
I think your feelings are very normal!
I find it very difficult to get together w/couples who have babies. I too feel like an outsider. Really, that is how it is getting more and more frequently, and the isolation is loney.
I do know what you mean about the talking shop thing. My husband is an engineer and when we get together w/his coworkers that's all they do. I on the other hand am not a career woman and am fine with it until I'm around those wives who are. I'm not about to go into the long story of all my medical complications and why I don't have some fantastic career.
I know what you mean about not being in the mommy club. I've lost touch with onetime friends because 4 of the 6 couples in our group had babies last summer. Yes all last summer. So all the kids are the same age. And they are all boys. So whenever everyone gets together it is all about the baby boys and I have nothing to add but bitterness.
Thanks for your comments (I always give yours extra points because you're a nurse!). I should've been more clear--I know my temp spikes after O, but usally I get a match between the day temping gives me as O day (using Fertility friend) and the day my monitor give me as O day. This month, they were off. Agh.
New people make me nervous and when I was in the throes of my infertility anyone with a baby could bring me to tears. I hope it gets better for you.
I am sorry for your difficult afternoon. I am having the same problem. It feels like all of our friends are either pregnant, just had a baby or we are getting invites to 1st birthday parties. I always feel like the giant pink elephant in the room no one want to talk about or make eye contact with.
I am glad you at least enjoyed the weather :-)
Thanks for you great hug-comment! I feel lots better today thanks to some good bloggy love.
And I *so* know how you feel about feeling left out. It's one of the things that really sucks about IF - that social isolation that comes when everyone is talking about their kids and you can't join in.
I am sorry that you had such a hard day.... but I for one would LOVE to hear about the surgeries!! I aspire o be an OR nurse, but for now that is on hold... Hang in there!!
Here from NCLM and the Blog Round up
I didn't attend of my husband's best friends wife's baby shower because I couldn't be happy for her. I felt like a jerk and my husband's friendship with his friend suffered a little while we struggled with our IF.
Also, noticed in a few of your blogs that you put-down yourself. You're an RN, so you're obviously smart. Watch your thoughts - they can do so much damage!
I actually have a hard time going back to our meeting because an attender began nursing on a regular basis during the silence. The sounds were so disturbing and painful for me. So I can relate completely to the emotions that provokes.
I often have a hard time engaging in small talk, especially when raw feelings are coming up. I'd prefer surgical tales.
At least the weather was nice.
Sorry you're having a difficult time and I certainly understand not wanting to be around babies. I think you should be easier on yourself and allow yourself to feel what you feel and don't force yourself to be super friendly with people you can't relate to. There's no rule saying you have to be social with everyone.
I really admire nurses for all the hard work they do.
I hope you could still enjoy the game, though.
(here through NaComLeavMo)
I know what you mean..I find it hard..my best friend is pregnant with her 2nd baby..I was very enthusiastic with the first one..but with this one, I found it very hard for me to be enthusiastic. I know she's trying her best to be patient with me and I'm trying too.
hugs (as I am saying this, I am hugging my furry baby)
It is hard to feel so left out when the mommy and parenting convos start. Sounds like you handled it well.
(Here via NCLM).
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