Sunday, May 25, 2008

Meeting Baby

Sunday meeting is usually pretty restful. Quaker meetings are usually silent, and the comments people are moved to make are thought provoking. For me, none of that happened this week because there was an infant at meeting today. The child did what any infant would do and babbled and silently played the whole time. It brought back everything I was trying to avoid, and reminded me of what I do not have. It was painful. I could feel myself tensing up and I had to remind myself to relax. Once or twice during the meeting I just wanted to leave. But the time during meeting is my personal time, and I did not want to leave, so I stuck it out.

As I was sitting, I realized that I am not without hope. Hubby and I are likely to try DIUI, probably within the next six months. My time will come, I hope. Though the child I bear will not be of Hubby's line. That made me sad. It also reminded me I need to make a GYN appointment this week for my yearly exam. Living in a new area, and I have to find new docs. Gotta start somewhere.

Had to share my feelings...

Show and Tell coming soon...

5 comments:

annacyclopedia said...

Those moments are hard and often seem like an ambush. Good for you for sticking it out. I'm not a regular church-goer but when I do go, I often get pretty weepy. There's something about the combination of connecting with my heart and spirit and the presence of children that just does me in sometimes.

There is a lot of sadness with DI, but you can move through it and it does transform, with time. At least that's been my experience. Thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers. And good luck finding a new GYN.

~Jess said...

*hugs* I know what you mean. Today at church there were two little girls, the youngest of which I always want to kidnap. She's probably 4 or 5, her name is Emma (one of the names we really love). I love seeing her, but it always hurts.

JamieD said...

It is so very hard. I am giving you a virtual pat on the back for being so strong in the face of something so hard.

Wishing you strength and peace!

Pepper said...

I can relate to the hard time you had around the little ones. A close friend of mine is newly pregnant and I just can't discuss her pregnancy with her. I know she struggled with IF for a long time, but right now I just don't have the room in my heart to fawn over her good fortune. The other day I actually cut her off mid-sentence and changed the subject. The poor thing.

Good for you for sticking with the meeting. That must have been difficult. Hopefully the next time will be much easier.

SAHW said...

Sometimes these moments can be so tough...but I'm glad for you that you were able to remember that you are not without hope, and thank you for reminding me of that too! I think we have to hold tight to that hope to be able to make it through some of those tough moments.