Sunday meeting is usually pretty restful. Quaker meetings are usually silent, and the comments people are moved to make are thought provoking. For me, none of that happened this week because there was an infant at meeting today. The child did what any infant would do and babbled and silently played the whole time. It brought back everything I was trying to avoid, and reminded me of what I do not have. It was painful. I could feel myself tensing up and I had to remind myself to relax. Once or twice during the meeting I just wanted to leave. But the time during meeting is my personal time, and I did not want to leave, so I stuck it out.
As I was sitting, I realized that I am not without hope. Hubby and I are likely to try DIUI, probably within the next six months. My time will come, I hope. Though the child I bear will not be of Hubby's line. That made me sad. It also reminded me I need to make a GYN appointment this week for my yearly exam. Living in a new area, and I have to find new docs. Gotta start somewhere.
Had to share my feelings...
Show and Tell coming soon...
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Mel's Show and Tell
Blogs and Sites I Like
- Baby, Borneo, Or Bust
- The Therapist in In
- Cupcakes and Conundrums
- The Happy Hours
- I think I Hear Your Mother Calling
- Life in the White House
- A journey Through Infertility
- Coming 2Terms
- Stirrup Queen's Blogroll
- Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters
- Life, Love, and the Pursuit of Normalcy
- Contemplative Outreach (Centering Prayer)
- Flylady.net
My Infertility Journey
- 1998 - Stopped taking birth control pills
- January 2000 - diagnosed with PCOS
- March 2007 - Finally started seeing a RE
- July 2007 - IUI #1. Semen with 1-2% normal forms. Unsuccessful.
- September 2007 - IUI #2. Semen with 1% normal forms. Unsuccessful.
- December 2007 - IUI #3. Semen with 0% normal forms. Unsuccessful. IVF Consult.
- January 2008 - Waiting while moving to Roanoke
- February 2008 - Finally moved to Roanoke, waiting while deciding what to to about IF stuff
About Me
- VA Blondie
- I am professional student turned nurse. I have two bachelor's degrees and two Master's degrees. I may be too educated for my own good. Hubby and I were going through infertility treatment. As part of that treatment, we are both dieting and trying to lose weight. We have both male and female factor infertility. We discovered the male factor during the past year. Currently we are in a holding pattern as Hubby figures out how to deal with IF. (And we deal with the whole money issue.)
5 comments:
Those moments are hard and often seem like an ambush. Good for you for sticking it out. I'm not a regular church-goer but when I do go, I often get pretty weepy. There's something about the combination of connecting with my heart and spirit and the presence of children that just does me in sometimes.
There is a lot of sadness with DI, but you can move through it and it does transform, with time. At least that's been my experience. Thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers. And good luck finding a new GYN.
*hugs* I know what you mean. Today at church there were two little girls, the youngest of which I always want to kidnap. She's probably 4 or 5, her name is Emma (one of the names we really love). I love seeing her, but it always hurts.
It is so very hard. I am giving you a virtual pat on the back for being so strong in the face of something so hard.
Wishing you strength and peace!
I can relate to the hard time you had around the little ones. A close friend of mine is newly pregnant and I just can't discuss her pregnancy with her. I know she struggled with IF for a long time, but right now I just don't have the room in my heart to fawn over her good fortune. The other day I actually cut her off mid-sentence and changed the subject. The poor thing.
Good for you for sticking with the meeting. That must have been difficult. Hopefully the next time will be much easier.
Sometimes these moments can be so tough...but I'm glad for you that you were able to remember that you are not without hope, and thank you for reminding me of that too! I think we have to hold tight to that hope to be able to make it through some of those tough moments.
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